Depression Hurts..

Agitation has me irked at the slightest noise,
"Don't fucking make noise, you dumb bitch!"
Restlessness pokes through,I just want one night of peace.
"Come here, we fucking right now!"

Irritability has me jumping at the quietest noise.
"If you fucking make noise,"
"It'll be American Me up in this bitch,"
"Shut the Fuck Up and take it!"

Appetite is gone,
Three gallons of water a day has flattened my stomach, yay!
"I told you three-point-two gallons and shut,"
"Shut, shut, up I didn't hit you that hard!"

Extreme difficulty concentrating
Has my dissertation looking like Dr. Seuss's Hop On Pop
"So the fuck what, I punched holes through your paintings."
"They look like shit anyway."
"My fucking daughter paints better with her fingers."

Fatigue has me missing work like crazy.
It feels like I'm working two jobs.
"Wake the fuck up,"
"I'm not hungry and make sure the makeup covers your neck."
"Your too fucking black to have hand prints around our neck."

Lack of energy has me missing deadlines costing me thousands.
"You handle mail, but you can't handle this male."
"You're too stupid to do anything else."

Hopelessness has me thinking suicide,
But who will care for my heirs..

"Why don't your bastards like me."
"I didn't do nothing to them."
"What the fuck is their problem."

Helplessness overwhelms me,
I'm too embarrassed to ask for help.
The only person I speak to outside of this existence,
Thinks me sad, not broken.

"The nose looks good,"
"some of my best work,"
"tell the family you ran into the door."
Worthless because no one will want me ever again.


My value is zero.

Self-hate, human receptacle, unclean,
"Screaming only makes it worse."
"Clean that fucking blood up my mother is on her way."

Inappropriate guilt plagues me, I have to make more changes. This is my fault.

Sex used to be so beautiful.
The pleasure was endless.
"Ride me, then take your fat ass to sleep,"
"You better not cum either."

Inactivity looms,
My mother is worried and the stress has made her ill.
"Don't fucking call no one,"
"You don't need them, you have me."

Withdrawal from my beautiful cloudy puff,
The first year my cherry blossom tree didn't bloom.

Why?
"Don't leave me baby,"
"I love you so much,"
"I'll never hurt you again."

Death is the only escape.
Heaven hasn't answered any of my cries.
My belief in the Creator is done.

Depression Hurts...