Expendable ...

I have met an unconquerable object. There is always a blemish, some dink in the impenetrable armor. Having insight into weird thought processes that border on the assailable and paying attention is the easiest way to find a way in or a way over this object. Its not on purpose, the maker doesn't do what the old Persians do. She doesn't put imperfections in her rugs to pay homage to a God. She works tirelessly to find a method of perfection; to be greater than herself. The result makes her flawed, conquerable.. expendable. Sometimes the object is a third wheel to an overdeveloped psyche. Those are conquered with mental mind-fuck dissection. The other unassailable souls fall through touch.  I think I may been conquered by both... I think loneliness has conquered me..

Never Again!

No more drama
No more sad days, dancing for rain in moons light.
No more empty handed visits to a Lady's home.
Never another maintenance man to tell me he loves me.

No more low I.Q. dummies, lost and dumbfounded.
No more whiny imbeciles, who've never left the block
No more pets: two; three or four legged, I eat those like Bon Bon's
Never again will I aide in anyones happiness before my own.

No more abusive people in my circle
No more money spent on anyone elses frivolity
No more cries unless I'm in heat and need a release.
Never again plot pyramind schemes leaving me empty and upside down


No more titles, except for Doctor and maybe Master.
No more babysitting adults or their issues, counseling is expensive.
No more heartache I didn't cause, no ones worth equals my own.

Never again living for anyone who did not burst fully brilliant from my unyielding womb.

No more hiding my wealth, to appease those stunted in mental poverty.
No more complaints of you missing the old Lis
No more Smiling brightly except when harboring malice

Never again seems harsh but so is being a means to an end.

No More and Never Again.

You

I hugged you,
Smelled your cologne,
Tasted your sweat when I licked you.
You looked down at me;

Smiled.

Watching me clinch my legs closed, waiting.
Your slow rough touch pried them open,
Then you closed them kissing each knee softly,
Your licks are longer, up my thigh at my hip;

Legs swing open like unhinged doors.

Your hands cup around thick thighs when lips touch,
Orgasms aren't optional the pussy vibrates as your tongue enters me.
I can't hold my load like a twelve year old boys' first wet dream,
The dream is real, kicking, punching, I can't get free;

And in my subconscious I don't want to.

Over and over I squirt in your mouth losing all reason.
Crying out like some beaten animal,
The neighbor knows your name,
Even though neither name is on the borrowed door;

Pillows act as bullhorns because I'm screaming into them.

Offered keys get returned, you don't want those, you just want me at this moment.
Security codes get forgotten and I 'm still getting fucked with your tongue.
Cursing you means nothing, you've made me your bitch and I howled on cue.
Oh Shit you're not done yet;

Your tongue is on my breasts now.

The multiple orgasms were just the introduction,
My pussy is singing to you, I can hear that bitch,
That traitor, she put the sold sign where she used to reside,
And decided she's moving, she's changing sides;

She belongs to you alone now.

Where the fuck do they do that at?
You entered me, there's nothing to warm up.
My pussy is so wet when you fill me,
I can't even scream, I'm so hoarse;

You fucked me hard, calling me your baby.

Your slow stroke is so forceful,

Reminded my logical mind of algorithms
Bits and Bytes streamed by, spelling out your name:
The conqueror, so appropriate.

I remember, while clawing your back, that I have been selfish.

You don't let me reciprocate,
Whispering softly, tonight is just for me.
You make me promise every night is for you alone,
I'm too gone to say no, its not fair;

Why did you lick my back when you turned me over?

My primal urges are infinite.
But I know this stage is temporary,
No title can define what you're doing to me.

I have relinquished full control, even though I hold all the cards.

Depression Hurts..

Agitation has me irked at the slightest noise,
"Don't fucking make noise, you dumb bitch!"
Restlessness pokes through,I just want one night of peace.
"Come here, we fucking right now!"

Irritability has me jumping at the quietest noise.
"If you fucking make noise,"
"It'll be American Me up in this bitch,"
"Shut the Fuck Up and take it!"

Appetite is gone,
Three gallons of water a day has flattened my stomach, yay!
"I told you three-point-two gallons and shut,"
"Shut, shut, up I didn't hit you that hard!"

Extreme difficulty concentrating
Has my dissertation looking like Dr. Seuss's Hop On Pop
"So the fuck what, I punched holes through your paintings."
"They look like shit anyway."
"My fucking daughter paints better with her fingers."

Fatigue has me missing work like crazy.
It feels like I'm working two jobs.
"Wake the fuck up,"
"I'm not hungry and make sure the makeup covers your neck."
"Your too fucking black to have hand prints around our neck."

Lack of energy has me missing deadlines costing me thousands.
"You handle mail, but you can't handle this male."
"You're too stupid to do anything else."

Hopelessness has me thinking suicide,
But who will care for my heirs..

"Why don't your bastards like me."
"I didn't do nothing to them."
"What the fuck is their problem."

Helplessness overwhelms me,
I'm too embarrassed to ask for help.
The only person I speak to outside of this existence,
Thinks me sad, not broken.

"The nose looks good,"
"some of my best work,"
"tell the family you ran into the door."
Worthless because no one will want me ever again.


My value is zero.

Self-hate, human receptacle, unclean,
"Screaming only makes it worse."
"Clean that fucking blood up my mother is on her way."

Inappropriate guilt plagues me, I have to make more changes. This is my fault.

Sex used to be so beautiful.
The pleasure was endless.
"Ride me, then take your fat ass to sleep,"
"You better not cum either."

Inactivity looms,
My mother is worried and the stress has made her ill.
"Don't fucking call no one,"
"You don't need them, you have me."

Withdrawal from my beautiful cloudy puff,
The first year my cherry blossom tree didn't bloom.

Why?
"Don't leave me baby,"
"I love you so much,"
"I'll never hurt you again."

Death is the only escape.
Heaven hasn't answered any of my cries.
My belief in the Creator is done.

Depression Hurts...