It has been a long while my lovely friends. I have been toiling away at becoming a better commodity whilst I secretly stabilize the world of the obvious woes. I hope my long time away has shaken your resolve to becoming more perfect beings.
I thought I had ten easy ways to be better, live better and maintain your sexy while either not giving a flying F?%K or caring so much you cry at the very thought of change; but alas the first ten are only the beginning. While conquering the world make sure you have self love first.
As always you all have my best.
The Lovely Mrs. Lis First Ten Ways To Self Improve
OK Number One is fun almost like school except you write what you see my lovely people; document everything. The funny thing about history repeating itself is that we keep warring and demolishing what existed before then we wonder why the same things happen over and over again! Sadly that includes all the bon bon’s you have eaten and if you know the real reason why worshiping Satan only makes all the other God’s stronger he he!
Number Two is the one you will really enjoy: laugh at yourself, laugh at others and be totally self-deprecating. If you farted in line at the movies giggle out loud and ask who did that or (just kidding) silently giggle and make faces at your friends. If someone is funny looking make fun of them too and just to be kind, tell them you thoroughly respect their honesty and style.
Number Three is easier than you think; become famous be a pinup boy or sleep with a governor (maybe not so drastic) pop up on one of those outdated reality shows, you will be remembered, get invited to cheesy outings and maybe be able to marry a Count or at the very least marry up such as a doctor producer or a T.V. ready Archaeologist.
Number Four is what you do when your when you navigate your life learn how to maneuver the Internet. Learn CAD or Access even, if you aren't a computer whiz and watch how mere mortals fold under the weight of your new found intellect.
Number Five is collaboration of ideas and people. Do this and smile walk up to the fattest person in the room (not me you buffoons!) and say you are beautiful and sexy, whether your a woman or a man, and if he or she carries herself well he or she will say thank you go home and cry and probably run on a treadmill tomorrow.
Number Six is what your doing right now read everything. Read a good book or a good blog, whilst your on the bowl in the morning. Read about art and then go to the museums not the big ones with the fancy names the little out of the way places that are probably close to your neighborhood. By reading about yourselves your neighborhoods and such, you will be able to figure out how to make yourself better and better your neighborhood in the process.
Number Seven is the one that I received the most criticism from. All red blooded adults need sex! Unless you are a man or woman of the cloth or you are dead, this is what you need. This is not a request. If you are single find good love and get good nookie! If you are married you need to attempt full frontal assaults on your spouse. This is not a game. Stretch do breathing exercises, whatever you need to do. It is a fact especially to your married gals that married men die sooner than their spouses because of lack of sex!! They need it at least four times a week to at least keep up with you. So barrel down and get naked!
Number Eight is quite silly really And not as exciting as Number Seven. I know It will be a hard habit to break. But it is essential to our well being. We have to stop being cliquish. I know it’s hard even for me to say I went from on the debate team and cheer-leading squad (Go Mustangs Go!) in high school to the Anthropology club in college. I notice that though kinship is essential, branching out early to investigating different tribes is necessary for growth and change.
Number Nine is easy for the anal type A personalities. Prepare for everything and you will not have huge issues. Plan the day; the next five years; the life you want and make a simple doable plan. The extravagances will come later and better when your better prepared for them.
Number Ten be a tattle tale! (NO I’m not telling the secrets I promised not to tell of my friend having nookie in the music room twelve years ago) Sorry, I know snitches get stitches but when the little old lady gets pushed down the steps of the subway, I’m trip-pin’ the killer and calling the Po-Po. Yup’ I am! Because when I’m coming home to my block at four in the morning from work or from hanging out; the killer I let go the night before is not killing me sorry: (!
To be continued....
Love Always,
Lis
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